The Far Out Tale of Tippi
by Sierra.Gem
Summary: Tippi's a bunny with half the brain of a '50s teenager, and you did hear that right. When she's forced by her creator to agitate the gravel, she encounters the gang. It's time for her to show she's not just a closet case! Scamper/OC (This is probably really bad, but the '50s lingo is too fun).
1. Agitating the Gravel

A/N: I really like this movie, so I decided to make a fanfic for it. I'm not really committed to this, but then again, I said that about "Tai, Sage & Roxie," and look how attached I got to that, so I don't know. This is pretty bad, but I plan to expand. And I like Tippi.

[Setting: Madstein's Castle...]

Dr. Kenneth Madstein was a mad scientist. He knew he was destined to be; his name was too blatantly obvious.

He could never keep his head on his shoulders in school; it was always in the clouds, scheming of devilish things to enter in the Evil Science Fair when he was old enough.

Unfortunately, his family grew up in serious poverty. They couldn't afford much, so when he was finally educated and gung-ho to start unleashing terror on the world, he didn't have the money for an Igor. No matter, he would go it alone.

But that was where she came in. One day, Madstein found a dying rabbit sprawled on the side of the road. He initially passed it by, almost delighting in seeing its pain...but he had an epiphany of sorts. Something made him unable to pass that rabbit by. He rescued it and nursed it back to health.

He intended for the rabbit to be used to test out everything he created; every potion, every weapon, everything. But it would die at one surge of electricity or one drink of a death serum, so Madstein decided to make the rabbit a little more human.

It had taken some pretty shady things to get the immortality serum, but, then again, Malaria was a pretty shady place back then. He was still in debt with a crazy hermit named Lazy Eye Freddy for buying it, but anything to finally gain a real servant.

Additionally, besides the immortality, he gave the rabbit the opportunity to walk and talk like humans could. However, he was still poor, maybe even poorer; whatever money he had went to Lazy Eye Freddy. All he could afford was half a normal brain and half an old brain from the '50s. A brain transplant occurred and there she was.

Then came the issue of a name. When Madstein finally decided on a name for her, he chose a name that was related to something chilling that once struck fear in the hearts of anyone who saw: she was named Tippi, after Tippi Hedren, star of Hitchcock thriller _The Birds_.

For years, Tippi serviced (and annoyed) him, until an Igor, his monster, and his accomplices had exposed the secret of Malaria. It came as a great shock to Madstein, who was pretty young at the time, and had only gotten the chance to be in five Evil Science Fairs, losing every time, whereas others had so much more experience.

He was unsatisfied. He wanted more power. So he spent his entire existence after that plotting to bring evil back into Malaria, and he would stop at nothing to get his way.

"Look out, world, the era of Madstein is dawning," he would say, "and once it begins, may it never end." And it wasn't long before he wanted the world.

"_Tippi_!" He hollered.

"What's up, Doc?" She coolly ambled in.

"Tippi, it's that time of the day again."

"What now?"

"You know..._praising time_."

"Oh! Sorry." Tippi dropped to her knees, leaned down, and stretched her arms out. "You are the god of all that is evil and genius. A new age full of your wisdom is coming and all will worship you. You will be more powerful than Frankie Avalon and Chuck Berry combined. You-"

"Oh, shut up!" He rolled his eyes. "The whole 'praise' thing has worn thin."

"Maybe because it's just weird." She frowned. "I mean, the only guy I'd ever fall to my feet and praise willingly is good old Elvis."

"Well, I've been told the resemblance is striking." Madstein smoothed over his dark hair, smiling smugly.

"By who?"

"It doesn't matter by who!" He sputtered, knowing she'd just called his bluff.

"And when are you going to start on this whole 'taking over the world' thing? I'd just like to, you know, get in touch with the world once in a while."

"Why are you worried about being in touch? Half of your brain belonged to a teenage girl from the '50s! You will never be in touch!"

"I'm sorry if I just appreciate Sinatra more than the ankle-biters today do." Tippi huffed.

"Why do I even keep you around anymore?" He groaned. "You're just so annoying!"

"And _you _are just bad news for everyone in Malaria! Don't you have any, you know, morals or anything?"

Madstein grabbed her by the glass pendant she wore around her neck that sported the image of a black poodle and lifted her up, twisting the pendant so she lost all breath. "Do you want me to put you back on the street?"

She shook her head, choking.

He released her, letting her fall to the ground with a hard thump. "I made you, and I can break you just as easily."

"I'm sorry!" She exclaimed. "You've been really good to me, and I've had a blast here."

"Now are you going to help me or not?"

"Help you do what?"

"I think I've thought of a plan to restore the clouds and gloom. Maybe, if I make a machine that controls the weather, I-"

"Wasn't that what they had in the first place?"

He paused. "Wait, what?"

"Wasn't that what controlled the clouds in the first place? Some kind of magnet?"

He ground his teeth together. "You've been doing your research."

"Well, yeah." Tippi shrugged modestly. "No big deal."

[Setting: Outside of the castle...]

Tippi pounded on the door. "I'm sorry! I'll help you think of a new plan! Please let me in! I have nowhere to go!"

Eventually, she gave up. Slumping on the door, she sighed. "No use laying around." She got up and started walking. "Time to agitate the gravel."


	2. A New Pad

A/N: Back! Tippi time! Sorry if this chapter kind of sucks. If they're OOC, please let me know! (For the record, I love Brain.) Also, I realized that "far out" wasn't the greasers, it was the hippies, so I think I'm going to make that the joke. ;)

[Setting: The streets...]

Tippi somberly walked to nowhere, looking for a place or a person that seemed remotely friendly. A little ditty by the Chordettes rang in her head so she wouldn't feel so lonely anymore.

Tired from walking, she sat down. "If only Fat City were somewhere nearby."

She glanced down at the poodle necklace. Angry and exhausted, she ripped it off her neck and threw it away.

After sulking with her head in her hands for about ten minutes, Tippi heard voices.

"Wait a minute! This! It's perfect!"

She turned around and saw an Igor examining her necklace - more specifically, the Igor who had exposed the whole "clouds and darkness" plot.

But that necklace was the only thing she had left that really kept her sanity. No one was going to take that from her.

"Hey!" She yelled. "That's mine!"

He looked up. "What?"

"That's my necklace, nosebleed. Give it back to me!"

"I'm sorry." He gingerly handed it back to her.

She sighed. "No, I'm sorry. I'm getting frosted and that's not cool."

"'Frosted?' What? Look, all I wanted was to try and find an anniversary gift."

"Aww! You're circled?"

"Um...I guess?"

"Poor sucker. Listen, Clyde-"

"It's Igor."

Tippi chuckled. "The lingo's a little lost on you, isn't it, Daddy-O? Anyways, the thing is, I've got no pad and no gig. I was kicked out by my owner. This necklace is all I have, so I really need to keep it."

"Well, hey, how about this: you give me the necklace and I let you stay with me?"

"Hmmm." She pretended to think it over, though inside, she was screaming, _Yes! _"That's chili."

"Chili?"

"It's a good deal." She held out her hand. "Give me five - let's make it official!"

He reluctantly shook her hand.

She laughed. "Okay, where are we going?"

"I'll show you." They started walking. "Now-wait, what's your name?"

"Tippi, like Tippi Hedren."

"A great actress." Igor nodded. "Now Tippi, I must warn you, there are other people living here besides me and Eva."

"Eva, eh? She sounds like a Dolly."

"She is...I think. I'm not entirely sure what you're saying."

"Well, who else is living with you? Got some ankle-biters?"

"They're annoying, all right." He groaned. "One of them is a robot named Brain. Don't let that name fool you. Then there's Scamper. He's actually a rabbit too, except he's immortal."

"No way! Same here! Except my old owner owes a crazy guy a lot of dough, even though he's frail."

"Well, you two should get along perfectly then...Actually, forget I said that."

"Why?"

"Even though he's going to live forever, he doesn't want to live. Don't let him scare you."

"Got it. And thanks for letting me stay with you. I was getting pretty freaked out all by myself."

"No problem."

Tippi smiled. Maybe her luck was changing for the better.

[Setting: Igor's castle...]

"Hey, Scamper," Brain called, "look!"

"What?" Scamper rolled his eyes.

"I'm an Olympic skater!" He slid across the room on his wheels quite gracefully. That is, until he slammed into a bookcase. "Scamper?"

"What now?"

"I'm seeing stars. So does that mean I should become an astrologist instead?"

"No, it means you should shut up."

The door opened.

"Guys, I'm home!" Igor called.

"Did you get me any ribbon?" Brain inquired excitedly.

"No, Brain, I didn't."

"Ha! Get a load of this oddball." There, behind Igor, stood a pale female bunny.

"Igor!" Brain wheeled up to him quickly. "Don't look now," he whispered, "but a homeless thing followed you in!"

"Oh, guys, I forgot to mention, this is Tippi." He introduced them. "She's going to be staying here for the time being. Her old owner kicked her out."

"Hey, beans!" Tippi smiled.

"Tippi, this is Brain. I told you about him, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, the robot!" She knocked on his lid.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance." Brain attempted to sound formal. He extended his hand to her, and after she shook it, he accidentally hit himself in the face retracting it.

Tippi just laughed. "And I heard something about another guy? Kind of low, bit of a wet rag?"

"That's Scamper."

"Wait, you understand her?" Igor asked.

"Yes," he replied with dignity, "I happen to speak '50s-ease."

He shook his head. "Great. Now if only we could get you to speak real English properly."

"Hey, if there's one thing I ain't, it's an idiot, _kemosabe_." He snapped. Suddenly, he looked around. "Hey, where _is _Scamper?"

[Setting: The balcony, later...]

"Scamper!" Brain called, wheeling around like a madman. "Scamper, come out and plaaay! Oh, Scamper!"

"Shut up, Brain."

"Oh, there you are!" He noticed Scamper at the balcony. "Why didn't you stay and meet Tippi?"

He was silent.

Brain smirked a little. "Fine, then, I'll just tell Tippi that you hate her."

"Wait, what?" Scamper finally looked at him. "Why would you do that?"

"Well, I'd just like to let her know in advance before she meets you so she won't be surprised or anything. I mean, you refuse to see her, so…"

"It's not that I hate her—"

"So you like her?"

"I haven't even met her. How would I know?"

"But I thought you didn't want to meet her."

"I didn't say that, I—"

"Are you in love with her?" He teased.

"What? Brain—"

"I bet you're in love with her." He wheeled around Scamper in circles, no matter how dizzy he was getting. "I bet you want to kiss her."

"That's really mature, Brain." He replied sarcastically.

"I take offense to that!"

"Do you even know what mature means?"

"…It has something to do with birds."

"We're done here."

"Okay, dogs? Is that that thing where some dogs don't have tails? Am I getting warmer?"

No reply.

"Fine, then. I don't care about you and your silent treatment." Brain wheeled out of the room. Somehow, he would get his friend to come around.


	3. DDT

A/N: LET'S GOOOOOOO! Okay, um, yeah. So here's the new chapter. This plus the new episodes of _Glee _with all the _Grease _songs have me in a very '50s mood! Enjoy! By the way, the only reason I used the name of a real play is because _Annie _is a real play, so it checks out. And also, who can guess who Lili is named after? Hint: it's from a very funny movie and the initials of the person who plays her are MK.

[Setting: Igor's castle...]

Tippi sat down on the couch with Igor, watching the TV, eagerly awaiting a talk show he was telling her Eva was going to appear on.

"Hello, everyone, and welcome to _Cristall Clear _with Carl Cristall!" The invisible host announced. "Now, here with us today, we have Eva, an actress who is making her official theatrical debut. Can you tell us a little more about that?"

"Well," she began, "it's in a show called _Funny Girl _about an actress trying to get her start, and I can definitely relate to that. I play Fanny Brice and I'm really enjoying it so far."

"That rings a bell." Tippi nodded. "So that's your girl?"

"Yep."

"You really built a classy chassis, I got to say. I've seen people who look so much worse."

"Like who?"

"Well, take my old owner's chick, for example. She was grundy. I never really knew what to think of her. She was a stick-thin girl who was frosted all the time and had this awful lisp. She was Madison Avenue, though, and she was always pretty good to me."

"I understood most of that, I think! We're getting somewhere!"

"Igor, you really need to get with it!" She shrugged. "Anyways, when did you two tie the knot?"

"Tie the knot? Oh, no, we're not married! At least, not yet."

"But you're planning on popping the question?"

"At some point in our lives, yes."

"Well, you'll have to tell me when you're committed. Now let's watch the rest of the interview."

[Setting: Madstein's castle...]

There was a knock at the door.

"If it's you, Tippi," Madstein snarled, "you can take those floppy ears of yours and shove them up your-"

"Calm down, it's jutht me!" Lili Barton interrupted.

"Oh! Lili!" He opened the door sheepishly. "I'm sorry."

"Thtuff it, Kenneth. What'th the deal with Tippi?"

"What do you mean?"

"Where ith she?"

"She's, er...what I want to say is...she..."

"Cut it out, Kenneth, and tell me where she ith!"

"She's gone!"

"She's _what_?" Lili's face darkened.

"She's been nothing but trouble lately, so I kicked her out!"

"Kenneth Jameth Madthtein, do you know how much that adorable rabbit meant to me? You need to find her!"

"Lili, she's gone! I told her never to come back!"

"You heartleth creep! I want that little thweetheart back in my life!"

"Sweetheart? If only you knew her like I did, the wise-cracking little-"

"I won't have you thay thuch thingth about Tippi!"

"What are you even defending her for? She hated you!"

"Au contraire!"

"She wasn't even an asset to my plan!"

"Oh? And what ith your plan?"

"Well, Lili, it begins like this..."

[Setting: Igor's castle...]

"Hi, everyone!" Eva exclaimed, opening the door to the castle. "I'm home!"

"Eva!" Brain wheeled over to her.

"Hey, Brain! Where's Igor? He's been telling me about some new rabbit he wants to introduce me to."

"Oh, he's just showing her around. Hey, can you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

He handed her a bouquet of flowers with a blank piece of paper attached to it. "Can you please write on that paper, 'Dear Tippi, I'm in love with you. Signed, Scamper.'"

She gave him a confused look. "Brain, why do you want me to do this again?"

"Because I have no fingers."

"No, that's not what I mean. What I want to know is, why are you writing love notes with Scamper's name?"

"Because I'm _trying _to be a good matchmaker, but none of my plans are working! I even tried to rent that singing crab from the mermaid movie, but it just ran away! Worst forty bucks I've ever spent..."

"Brain," Eva smiled warmly, "that is so sweet what you're doing. But I think the best thing to do is to sit back and just let it happen."

"Fine." He dejectedly agreed. _If I had fingers, I would have crossed them behind my back, _he thought.

[Setting: Elsewhere in the castle...]

Tippi walked down the hallway by herself. She was really unsure of where to go since Igor had left her here to go greet Eva a couple stories down. She was evidently a surprise for Eva, as was the necklace, so she had to stay up here.

"Okay, where do I go now?" She muttered to herself.

She paused, her eyes locking on the only door in the hallway. Not feeling like she had anything to lose, she entered.

To her surprise, there was actually someone in the room; another rabbit, who she deduced was Scamper.

"Hi." She spoke up.

He noticed her. "Did Brain send you?" He sighed.

"No. I just, you know, figured since I didn't really meet you yet, I would take care of that. Tippi's the handle."

"Okay...I'm Scamper. Nice to meet you."

"Ditto." She sat down next to him on the couch. "It's crazy that I'm actually meeting the rabbit who saved Malaria."

He blushed. "I wouldn't say that much."

"Yeah, you and Brain and Igor really did save us, and that's the word from the bird. Unfortunately, my old owner didn't think you were so boss. He really dug that Evil Science Fair idea. He hates music, anyways, so the music show thing wasn't for him. I dig it, though. I could spend hours listening to Buddy Holly or something. That guy is unreal. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my old owner is just bad news right now. He needs to release all his gringles. His Sophie Lili, now she's a different story, but I'll clue you later."

Scamper blinked. "What was that?"

"You people here really need to get hep." She rolled her eyes.

"I'm not even going to try and fathom what that means."

"Let's change the subject. So Eva has a new show. That's a large charge, right?"

"I guess."

"You're really low, aren't you? You're a total odd ball."

"Says the one who at all times acts like she's from the '50s."

"DDT. So what if I'm a little kooky?"

"What does 'DDT' mean?"

"'Drop Dead Twice.'"

"Believe me, I have. And it doesn't work."

Tippi just laughed, not knowing that he was serious. "That was a panic and a half, Scamper. You know, for an odd ball, you're all right."

He smiled slightly. "And you're not so bad for someone who talks like a lunatic."

"Tippi!" Igor called. "Come and meet Eva!"

"Righto!" She hollered back. She turned to Scamper once again. "I'll see you later?"

"Sure." He replied.

"Cool. Later!"

As she bounded down the stairs to get to the main floor, Scamper just sat there, a little confused. Maybe Tippi was better than he thought she was.

His eyes widened. Actually, she was beautiful.

Meanwhile, in the hallway, Brain watched, smirking. "Yes! I finally got them together by painting over every door but this one. I am an evil genius.Now to go back to my room and celebrate." He murmured. He turned to open the door, but looking around, he couldn't spot it. "What?! Where'd my door go?!"


	4. Earthbound

A/N: This might be overly mushy because I'm listening to "Freddy My Love" from _Grease _as I write. Guilty as charged. Regardless, this is really important: I changed the ending of the last chapter! I decided that instead of having Tippi fall for Scamper, I wanted vice versa. So please keep that in mind! (Oh, and CityCat, you wanted some literal falling, so...)

[Setting: Tippi's Bedroom...]

Tippi laid down on her bed, a little panicked. When she was going out for a walk, she saw Madstein suffering the usual boyfriend abuse from Lili. She had laughed, but now that she thought about it, it was pretty frightening; what could he possibly be up to without her to monitor him?

There was a knock at the door.

She turned and saw Scamper holding a lone sunflower - they were growing all over now that there was sun in Malaria.

"Hey, bean." Tippi tried her best to be energetic, but thinking about Madstein still had her frazzled.

"Tippi." He smiled. "You...look pretty today."

"Apple butter." She smirked.

"Is anything wrong? You've been up here ever since you got back."

"How'd you know when I got back?"

He lowered his eyes.

She laughed. "It's just a bit, Scamper, cool it. What's bugging you?"

"Not much. I just wanted to see you. Is anything...bugging _you_?"

"Well, there is this one thing...Well, my old owner, he is an absolute hubcap, and he's planning to do something huge. He's just an actor, even though he has nothing to flaunt. Anyways, I saw him somewhere, and I knew if he saw me, he'd go ape, so I decided to cop a breeze before he cast an eyeball at me. But he's a goof, so I have very little gringles about him. Still..."

"Don't be worried." Scamper reassured her, understanding the basic idea of what she was talking about. "We're going to take care of you."

"Thanks." She smiled. "I know you guys are earthbound. That reminds me, I was going to have lunch with Eva! Cool talking to you. See you later?"

"Okay." He nodded.

Tippi hopped off the bed. When trying to get past Scamper in the doorway, her long ear brushed against his cheek.

A little weak, he slowly walked after her so as not to let her know he was following her. He looked down and saw the flower that had remained in his hand. Quickly, he ran back up to her room and left it on a table. He rushed back to the stairs, but he had lost her. With no time to waste, he started to run down the stairs, but tripped on one and fell in a heap, sliding down the stairs.

As he lay sprawled out on the floor in pain, Igor walked by and noticed him.

"Scamper, what happened?" He inquired, helping the rabbit up.

"Nothing." He replied, dusting himself off. "Just fell. Hey, Igor?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you get Eva to fall for you?"

"That's a good question. Even I don't know. I mean, what girl of any kind would have loved an Igor at that point in time? But I guess, after a while, we just clicked."

"So it took a while?"

"Yes. Why are you asking me this?"

"No reason. Let's just change the subject. So what do you think of Tippi?"

"I think she's great, even though I can't understand her half the time." He chuckled. "I'm kind of happy I found her. This 'old owner' she talks about makes me a little uneasy."

"What?"

"He seems like kind of a jerk. He used to use her for experiments and testing. It endangered her constantly, but she's immortal, so she's safe. Still, it seems kind of like abuse, if you ask me."

"She doesn't deserve to be hurt like that." Scamper fumed.

"No one deserves to be hurt, Scamper." For a minute, Igor stood still, a vacant yet hurt look on his face, but he shook it off and turned his attention back to his friend. "Well, that's what I think of her. What do you think of her?"

_She's a divine creature who deserves only the best of everything, _Scamper thought. "She's all right." He replied.

[Setting: A random room...]

After her lunch with Eva, Tippi was wandering around the castle, a bit bored. She opened a door and found Brain underneath a zip line.

He noticed her. "Oh, hi, Tippi. How long have you been spying on me?"

"Spying?" She gulped. "Brain, I-"

"Just kidding!"

She sighed with relief. "So what's buzzin', cousin?"

"Well, don't you hate having to walk everywhere in this huge castle?"

"I don't really mind. I like eyeballing the joint."

He blinked. "That was not the response I expected."

"Okay, yes, I do hate that." She decided to give him the desired response.

"So you admit it!" Brain pointed accusingly at her, then retracted his arm and sighed. "Brain, this is like when Igor told you to stop yelling at the mailman...just calm down..." He murmured. His eyes immediately lit up again in a show of mood swings Tippi had never quite encountered before. "So I decided to devise a zip line system around the house so you can get everywhere!"

"But wouldn't you have to keep each and every door open all the time?"

"Just test it out for me! We can work out all those technical bugs later!"

Tippi's shoulder twitched at the words "test it out." Then it came back to her.

[Flashback: over Madstein's pool...]

"What did you do?!" Tippi exclaimed upon seeing the formerly crystal clear pool replaced with bubbling acid.

"Tippi," Madstein smiled, "so glad you're here. I need you to test out the strength of this zip line."

"Over a pool of acid?!" She panicked, then began to laugh. "Ha! Madstein, you joker, you..."

"No, I'm being serious, you're going over the acid."

"Wait, but why?"

"I want this to be intentionally weak so the next person who tries to glide into the castle is met with a defective rope, a long fall, and some serious burns!"

"So I'm sliding over a pool of bubbling acid on a defective rope?!"

"Just go!" He placed her on the small handle and pushed her.

"Forget Annette, Frankie," she screeched, "_I _need you to help me out here right now!"

The rope eventually broke.

"Yes!" Madstein exclaimed in victory.

"_Help me_!"

[Setting: A random room...]

Small and insignificant as it was compared to what else she'd been through, Tippi had never forgotten that day. The plan didn't work after all; someone still broke into their castle, just not using the zip line. It didn't take a genius to realize that there are other ways in besides that one window.

"Brain, I'd rather not..." She sniffed.

"Come on, Tippi," he beckoned, "I'll be right under you the whole time! And I've got wheels, so I can go super-fast!"

He wheeled around the room at a lightning speed until he lost control of himself and, spinning, slid into a bookshelf.

She laughed. "Well, as long as you're going to be there the whole time." She slowly grabbed onto the handle and started flying through the room. "This is actually kind of a blast!" She called down to Brain.

"I told you so!" He replied.

Just then, the rope began to break. Tippi's heart nearly stopped.

"Oh, no." Brain groaned, going to catch her.

The rope broke. She held onto it - and swung right into Scamper.


	5. Madame Lili: Mistress of the Stars

A/N: Continuing from the last chapter. I've been away on vacation, so I haven't been updating anything; I did just put in a new _Producers _oneshot. Also, calling any _Ghost World _fans to read the probably oneshot I did for that. I'm also considering, once Tippi's finished, to do a _Monsters Inc. _story about teenage Boo. Just a thought. But back to Tippi.

[Setting: A random hallway...]

The two rabbits landed with a thump on the hard floor. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" Tippi helped Scamper up. "That rope wasn't supposed to break, unlike others." She shuddered.

"That's got to hurt." Brain wheeled over to them.

Scamper looked into her big, blue eyes. "Are you salty?" She asked.

"Cannibalism!" Brain bellowed.

"No, nosebleed," she chuckled, "I'm asking if he's mad. Get hep!"

"Well, in that case," Scamper shook his head, "I'm not."

"Cool. I'm getting a little tired. I think a nap's in order. See you later."

As she walked away, Brain nudged his friend. "Love _hurts_, eh, Scamper?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He replied.

"Whatever you say." He wheeled away, keeping his suspicious eyes on the rabbit until he crashed into a bookcase. "I really need to stop doing that." He muttered, continuing on his way.

Just then, Eva appeared upstairs, out of breath. "What happened?" She inquired. "I came as fast as I could. I heard a huge crash upstairs and..." She noticed the zip line. "What's this?"

"Brain's new zip line." Scamper answered.

"What is he working on now?"

"I have a feeling you don't want to ask."

"Well, is anyone hurt? Stupid question. I know you and Tippi are immortal and Brain's very lucky."

"Hardly. So...what do you think of Tippi?"

"She's great! I've wanted a female companion for so long. No offense, Scamper, but it's hard hanging out with boys all the time. I teach her all the songs from _Funny Girl _and teaches me all the songs from _Guys & Dolls_. I know it's unorthodox for animals to be in theater, besides in _Annie_, of course, but she would make a perfect Miss Adelaide." She noticed he looked confused. "Adelaide is the beautiful showgirl fiancée of the gambler Nathan Detroit. It's a wonderful show!"

"How's the show coming along?"

"It is amazing, thank you for asking." She smiled. "And Igor is being the most amazing supporter. I was talking to Tippi today and I told her that I could easily sing 'My Man' because I had someone to sing it _to_. That's arguably the hardest song in the whole show, you know."

"What did she say?" He asked excitedly.

"She said she wished she was in a relationship like mine."

"Anyone in particular she's thinking about?"

"No." Eva smiled coyly. "Scamper, is there something you want to tell me?"

"No." He replied quickly.

"Fine. But I did give her a little advice. I told her that the best thing to do is not rush into a relationship. Just in case you wanted to know that part too."

Scamper walked away. _She's onto me, _he thought nervously.

"Rats!" He heard Tippi exclaim from rooms over. He hurried over to the door to see if anything was wrong.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Scamper?" She noticed him. "It's nothing. I just forgot to buy the chicken for dinner. Will you go out to the market with me?"

"Sure." He replied.

"Thanks!" She beamed.

[Setting: A flea market...]

Tippi sighed dreamily. "This is my favorite place in the world. I always have a blast here just eyeballing it. Do you go here a lot?"

Scamper shook his head.

Her gaze fell on a stand manned by an Igor. "That's where I usually buy food. They only cost a thin one, but the Clyde who runs it, Mike, is kind of a wet rag. If we stay on his good side, we've got it made in the shade." He followed her to the stand. "Mike?"

He noticed them, not bothering to smile. "Tippi. How is life?"

"Cloud 9, Mike. Can we have a chicken, please?"

"Sorry. I have one reserved. You could buy it from me for, I don't know, five dollars?"

She looked down at her feet. "All I brought was a thin one. I'll catch you later, Mike, okay?"

"Sure."

Scamper noticed the disappointment in the other rabbit's eyes. "I don't want to make trouble," he attracted Mike's attention, "but we need that chicken. Look at her. How can you say no to a face like that?"

Mike looked into Tippi's big eyes, then shook his head. "I can't say no to her, you're right, but money? That you can't say yes or no to. It just comes and you grab it or lose it. I grab it. I say yes."

"Give us the chicken."

"No sale." He replied sternly, shutting a shade down right on Scamper's ears.

The rabbit cried out in pain.

"Scamper!" Tippi began stroking his tan ears softly to try and ease the pain.

He smiled a little. _If this is what it takes, then so be it._

"Why don't you cool it and I'll go look elsewhere for dinner?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I've got jets, don't I?"''

"I'm sure you do. All right, go."

"I'll meet you right here?"

"Of course."

"Bye, Scamper!" She hurried off.

He sighed, watching her until she was out of sight. Realizing that he'd never actually been to this place before, he decided to look around. When he'd walked past at least ten stands, he came to a tent that caught his eye. The sign read "MADAME LILI: MISTRESS OF THE STARS." Out of curiosity, he entered the tent.

A beautiful blonde woman was gingerly painting her nails blue.

"Excuse me?" Scamper tried to get her attention.

She looked up at him. "You're here for a vision?"

"A vision?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of courth you'd come unprepared. _A vision. _I'll find out what'th in your thoughth and your future. In fact, I knew you'd come to me today."

"I don't believe you."

"Well, why don't you thee what I can tell you? I will guarantee you that I'm right if you'll believe me."

_Should I? _He stared down at the quarter that Tippi had given him in case she dropped what she had. "How much?"

"Whatever you have, dear." Without any word, she snatched the quarter out of his hand and pulled out one chair out of the two at her solitary table. "Pleathe thit down."

He did albeit reluctantly.

She sat down in the chair across from him. "I am Madame Lili, here to help you with the issueth of your life. Has anything been plaguing you?"

"I'm not sure if 'plaguing me' is the right term for it..."

"Ah. Tho now, I am going to senth what'th been plaguing you." She closed her eyes and put her head in her hands. "I thenthe thomething...It'th a girl. You're worked up over a girl."

_Maybe she wasn't such a crackpot, _he thought. "Well, yes..."

"Can you tell me what she'th like?"

"She'th..._she's _beautiful. She's very kind to everyone and...and she always talks like she's from the 1950s."

Madame Lili's head shot up, her doe eyes widened. "What?"

"She talks like she's from the 1950s." Scamper repeated.

"I thee...What color ith her fur? It'th one of your own, right?"

"She has very pale fur. It's gray leaning into white."

"You're very hung up on her, aren't you?" She smiled slyly. "I can give you thome advith for that. You'll have her in your armth thooner than you can thay 'girlfriend.'"

He started pondering this situation deeply. _Should I do what Eva said and wait for her or should I take Madame Lili's advice and strike now? _He sighed. "What?"

"All '50th girlth love a thtrong guy they can lean on, thomeone who will make their entire exithtence bright. They want heartthrobth. I can help you with that."

"...You're sure?"

"Of courth. A '50th bunny? She wanth Elvith. You're not handthome enough - I'm jutht being realithtic! I can't make you Elvith Prethley, but I _can _make you Conrad Birdie."

"Who?"

"Don't worry, child. Ah, what'th your name?"

"Scamper." He answered.

"Thcamper, come back to me tomorrow. What'th your girlfriend'th name?"

"Tippi. And she's not my girlfriend."

Madame Lili smirked. "But she will be! Trutht me. I know her kind."

"How do you know?"

"I told you I can work magic. And you didn't believe me."


	6. Conrad Birdie

A/N: Finally returning to the fanfic front. Just been a little busy lately. Sorry for the short chapter. Includes an homage to a movie I love. Sorry it's not that great, but I can't keep you waiting any longer!

[Setting: The "humble" abode of Igor and Eva...]

After a long day of rehearsal, Eva headed home and found Igor sitting in the dining room. "What'cha doing?" She kissed him on the forehead.

"Waiting for dinner." He replied with a smile.

She bit her lip. "I'm really tired. I can't make anything."

"That's my gig!" Tippi grinned, carrying in two plates of chicken. "Sit down, Eva!"

Laughing, she sat down. "Thank you so much!"

Tippi put the plates down and headed off.

"Eva...there's something I wanted to talk to you about." Igor began nervously.

Eva dug into the chicken. "Yes?" She replied through a full mouth.

He chuckled at this, how childlike she could still be. "We've been together for a long time now...and you're my finest creation. I mean, really, my finest, because you're so beautiful, and because my others have all turned out to be annoying pests."

"No, they're not." She giggled. "But continue."

"Eva, as my finest creation, my love, and my favorite actress..." He crawled over to her, eventually settling on his one knee. "Will you marry me?" He took out a ring.

Teras came to her eyes. "Igor...of course I'll marry you!"

"That's amazing!" He rejoiced. He slipped the ring on, albeit nervously, and they embraced and kissed. "I was thinking that the wedding could take place when the show is done."

"That would be perfect, Igor! Where are the others? We need to share this with them!"

Tippi, Scamper, and Brain emerged, clapping. "We heard the whole thing." Brain smiled, wheeling over to Eva and elbowing her. "You are one lucky lady to be marrying a handsome bugger like him."

"Come off it, Brain." Igor rolled his eyes.

"This calls for a celebration!" Eva exclaimed.

[Setting: Madame Lili's tent, the next day...]

"Thcamper." Madame Lili smiled. "Tho I thee you've returned after all. How are you?"

"I'm fine." Scamper sighed. "The couple I live with just got engaged and we're all very happy, but it kind of reminds me how everyone else is in love but me. Well, except for Brain, but he's too in love with himself."

"Don't worry, I'm going to change all that." She sat him down in a chair. "Now thit back and embrath the Birdie."

"What is this Conrad Birdie business?"

"You've never heard of _Bye Bye Birdie_?"

"Never."

"Conrad Birdie ith the girl'th idol. They thwoon over him like crathy! If you want to win the heart of a '50th girl, you need to be a heartthrob. I thought I exthplained thith to you."

"Whatever it takes, Madame Lili."

Once she was done with the makeover, Lili gave Scamper some instructions. "Bring her to me tomorrow. That'll be the final thetp."

"Okay, Madame Lili. Thanks for everything."

"No problem, Thcamper." She grinned. Once he left, she looked up at the sky as if talking to another person. "Kenneth, you've never loved me more than you do now."

[Setting: The "humble" abode once again...]

"Where's Scamper?" Tippi asked.

"You know, I don't know." Brain answered. "He said he was going out, but I-" Just then, he screamed.

Someone rode in on a motorcycle, which made Tippi a little interested. Once it stopped, the rider revealed himself: it was Scamper in a gold suit.

Tippi didn't know what it was, but he was suddenly a hundred times more attractive. "Scamper..."

"Hey, my little Dolly." He had no idea what he was saying, but Lili told him it would make sense to Tippi. "You know, all this time, I've been wanting us to be jacketed, because you are the most."

"Scamper...you're a new person...I love it!" Sure as Lili promised, the '50s bunny was going crazy.

"How about we go out to the market and I'll treat you to dinner?"

"That would be like crazy! I'll go get cleaned up; I want to kill when we go out!" She hurried off.

Eva, who had been watching the whole time, approached Scamper slowly. "Wow. She's fallen under your spell."

"It's great, isn't it?" He grinned.

"But...don't you think it would be better if she loved you for you?"

"If this is the only way, then so be it."

"I think you're making a mistake."

He frowned. "What other choice is there?"

[Setting: The market...]

Scamper and Tippi walked, hand in hand, the perfect night coming to a close.

"Scamper..." There were stars in her eyes. "I think I'm real gone for you."

"Me too." He replied. "And someday, we're going to get circled and have little ankle-biters."

"That would be like crazy."

"I know. I know." He spotted some flowers. "Lay dead, baby. I'll be right back."

She waited. In back of her were some stands and a tent, but she didn't notice them because she was carefully watching her beloved. So carefully, in fact, that she didn't see the hand emerging from the tent until it grabbed her and dragged her in. "_Scamper! Help!_" But he didn't hear.


	7. Real Gone

A/N: Yes, I am back after a long absence! I'm ready to continue with the story.

[Setting: Madstein's Castle...]

When the bag was lifted off of Tippi's head, she was face to face with the very last person she wanted to see: Dr. Madstein.

"Madstein!" She exclaimed in horror.

"That's right, Tippi." He smirked at her. "You must be wondering why I kidnapped you."

"Well, not really, I mean, I was cruising for a bruising when I decided to cut out. I knew you wouldn't dig it-"

"Shut up!" He slapped her. "Now, as you know, Tippi, that Igor fellow you were staying with...he's the one who saved Malaria...from my future grip."

"Yeah, I'm hep." She nodded, trying to look fearless.

"You belong to me, you ungrateful thing. Now that you're back with me, I'm enlisting you to do something very important. Kill him."

"What?! Kill him?! But...but...he was like a keeper to me! I could never...And Eva! She was a real scooch. And Brain...he was just like the sweetest little ankle-biter, a little brother to me. And...and...and...and Scamper..."

"Who's Scamper?"

"...I am real gone for him. Whenever I look into his running lights, I see the word from the bird, and that's my future...with him."

"So you really like him, don't you?"

"Yes...I do..."

Madstein's scowl turned into a twisted smile. "If you won't kill the Igor, then I'll kill you."

Tippi screamed in horror, but stopped immediately. "Wait, I can't die, though."

He frowned. "Dammit! Uh...er...I'll think of a new plan!" He pressed a button that created metal to hold her down.

[Setting: Igor's place...]

"So where are we going to have the wedding?" Eva asked Igor as he stroked her hair.

"Your choice, sweetheart."

"Well, I was thinking we could have it at the-"

"Tippi!" They turned to see Scamper in hysterics.

"What's wrong?" Igor asked.

"It's Tippi! She's gone! I came back to where I left her, and she wasn't there! I looked everywhere for her, I screamed her name, nothing!"

"She's gone?!" Eva panicked.

"Scamper, she must still be somewhere. She wouldn't have left without you."

"What...what if she learned that my whole change was just a lie? That I was told to change by Madame Lili? Maybe she's disappointed in me..."

"Maybe her old owner took her back." Igor realized in horror.

"What were their names?" Eva tried to recall.

"Madstein and..."

"Lili." Scamper filled in. "Wait a second...Lili...how could I have been such an idiot?! Madame Lili used me to find her again!"

"Scamper, show us where the tent was!" They began to run out the door.

"Are you guys leaving without me?" Brain sobbed loudly, appearing. "I knew you all hated me!"

Igor rolled his eyes. "We don't have time for this, just come on!"

"Yaaaaaaaaaay!" He wheeled outside, following them.

[Setting: Madstein's Castle...]

_Please rescue me, guys,_ thought Tippi desperately, but she didn't know how they could. She was going to be tortured. It was times like this that made her wish she could die and get it over with.

"Tippi!" She turned and saw Madstein coming back into the room, a smug smile on his face. "I've decided what to do with you. Since I can't kill you, I'm going to replace your brain so that you can't remember anything of your little friends, especially not your little boyfriend. Then I'll make you kill Igor because you won't remember how in his debt you are. And the best part? I'll make them watch as you slowly forget everything."

All she could do was continue to think of rescue...but she knew it wasn't a possibility anymore.


End file.
